8.24.2010

Wed. 08/25/2010 - Be An Alien

Since I arrived here in Korea, and my parents place in Busan, I went through the worst flu I've ever had. I am normally very strong with flu or cold but this time I couldn't function at all and had to stay in bed for a couple of days. I think it was not just flu, but it was mixed with this fear I have, the fear for a completely new life.

Yes, Korea is my country. I was born here, grew up here and lived here for about 27 years until I left for Paris, then New York. I still have Korean citizenship and even have driving license since 92.  But I can't get rid of this fear, the fear that I have to learn every single thing to live a real life here. I still don't feel this is a home. I rather feel this is a foreign country that I happen to live and I have to learn all about it.

I've been in NY for 12 years, and before NY I was in Paris about an year. So, I left Korea 13 years ago. My knowledge or the way of living a real life here froze 13 years ago. And even when I was here, the life I had was a semi-real, meaning I was mostly a kid or a student who didn't need to know everything about a real life. Plus, Korea is such a fast forwarding country, so if you were not here more than 2-3 years, everything's changed already.

In the meantime, my life in NY was much more a real one. I was there all by myself and had to get all the necessaries by myself. I had my first job in NY and the last employed job there as well. I know how to ride a subway there, how to and where to get a new cell phone and where to go to get a place to live. Plus, America is more slowly changing than Korea. -It just means it's already developed as much, so the changes are much slower than the countries like Korea.-

Here in Korea, I totally feel like an alien who's just arrived here. Thankfully I can speak Korean -even though I already forgot so many "intelligent words"-. I don't even know how to ride subway -believe or not, I haven't done it for 13 years-. As soon as I got here, I tried to get a cell phone, but it was one overwhelming experience. There are so many plans and so many phones and plans with words and phrases I don't quite understand.

I am feeling a little bit of a identity crisis now. I am obviously not American, but I look absolutely Korean, I am legally Korean as well. But I am having difficulty to write in Korean, and even understanding Korean -seriously I couldn't understand more than 50% of of cell phone plans-. And I feel I am on vacation now, feeling NY is still my home. And I think for quite some time I will deny the fact that I left NY for good, remembering everyone saying "You can always come back!"

I was thinking the way not to fear a new life in Korea but to enjoy it. Be a foreigner. It may sound ridiculous when you know that I am Korean by the fact. But for now, this will be much easier and fun for me to get it through.

Discover and enjoy Korea like I am an alien.

Well, I guess I'd better be in authentic Korean café rather than Starbucks. But this was the only place I knew that I could use free Wi-Fi.

3 comments:

  1. Wow! What an amazing journey ahead of you! I'm sure it's quite scary, but I know that you're going to go forward blazing a trail behind you! I truly hope you find your path soon and excel like I know you can. Were all here rooting for you :)

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  2. Yes, we are all rooting for you - just keep in mind that you have to allow yourself time (as in, at least 6 months) to start truly feeling in the swing of it... don't pressure yourself too much to feel at home so soon! (Whenever I move, I like to pretend for a while that I'm a tourist, or else that I'm just a character in a movie....) Hope you're feeling better after that flu!
    -Katrina

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  3. Honestly, New York will always remain a bit of your home. It was part of your life. So basically, you will always feel home here just like there. I know it's not easy to re-adjust to a new/old environment but thanks to technology you'll realize it is also becoming less and less difficult to "live" across countries/cultures now that you've been living abroad; and I bet you'll come back to visit us soon enough :)
    Guillaume

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